My Birth Mother likes Swimming & Horses and Was Born in 1948

My Birth Mother likes Swimming & Horses and Was Born in 1948.  That is it for my birth history.  Oh, and my birth father was a rancher.  No photo’s.  No other information that is consistent or verifiable.  So, do you know who she is?  Yeah – likely not. If you are not an adoptee than I imagine you might find it difficult to comprehend what it’s like to have such limited information on your genetic history. Or the challenge it presents when filling out medical questionnaires.

An example of what I’m subject to – like most adoptees – in their search for birth family information.

My 3^rd Inquiry made in February 2010.  My first inquiry was summer of 2009 hoping I gave them enough time to pull the information together so I could present it to my son when I saw him at the end of September.  In November 2009, I made the second request.  And this week was my final attempt before moving on to something a little more uncomfortable for all parties involved.  It is below followed by the response I received today:

Mr. Cxxxx Hxxxxx,

I copied both of my parents emails on this email to you for two reasons.  So that you would know that I am seeking this information with their knowledge and blessing.  Also, so that they can witness my 3rd request for information.

I am requesting again the redacted file regarding my birth family and adoption agency as granted to me by Texas Family Code Section 162.006 which is copied below for your reference.  My last request was made back in November 2009 without reply or acknowledgment.

Sec. 162.006.  RIGHT TO EXAMINE RECORDS.  (a) The department, licensed child-placing agency, person, or entity placing a child for adoption shall inform the prospective adoptive parents of their right to examine the records and other information relating to the history of the child. The person or entity placing the child for adoption shall edit the records and information to protect the identity of the biological parents and any other person whose identity is confidential.

(b) The department, licensed child-placing agency, or court retaining a copy of the report shall provide a copy of the report that has been edited to protect the identity of the birth parents and any other person whose identity is confidential to the following persons on request:

(1) an adoptive parent of the adopted child;

(2) the managing conservator, guardian of the person, or legal custodian of the adopted child;

(3) the adopted child, after the child is an adult;

(4) the surviving spouse of the adopted child if the adopted child is dead and the spouse is the parent or guardian of a child of the deceased adopted child; or

(5) a progeny of the adopted child if the adopted child is dead and the progeny is an adult.

(c) A copy of the report may not be furnished to a person who cannot furnish satisfactory proof of identity and legal entitlement to receive a copy.

(d) A person requesting a copy of the report shall pay the actual and reasonable costs of providing a copy and verifying entitlement to the copy.

(e) The report shall be retained for 99 years from the date of the adoption by the department or licensed child-placing agency placing the child for adoption. If the agency ceases to function as a child-placing agency, the agency shall transfer all the reports to the department or, after giving notice to the department, to a transferee agency that is assuming responsibility for the preservation of the agency’s adoption records. If the child has not been placed for adoption by the department or a licensed child-placing agency and if the child is being adopted by a person other than the child’s stepparent, grandparent, aunt, or uncle by birth, marriage, or prior adoption, the person or entity who places the child for adoption shall file the report with the department, which shall retain the copies for 99 years from the date of the adoption.

I may be reached at 806-xxx-xxx to set up a time for me to come and pick up the copy of the file.  I understand that most agencies in Texas provide the redacted copy of the file for a fee usually around $50 which I am willing to pay.

If you are unable to comply with this request, then I request an appointment to meet with you and my parents so you can explain why it is that you are unable to comply. Also, I was told to be sure and inform you that I am registered with the Texas Voluntary Adoption Registry.

Sincerely,

Melanie (Northcutt) Morales
DOB:  05/xx/1969

This is the response I received:

Melanie,

Thanks for your continued interest regarding your biological history.

We have not over-looked your request for information, and have been diligently working on your inquiry.  Our wish is to provide you with as much information as possible, while protecting the privacy of other individuals involved.  Your petition is not unusual.  Many adopted children share your same interest.  However, any service provider has to exercise prudence in any release of secured information.  Although the process may seem simple, there is more involved than one realizes.  The reason for the cumbersome delay is the intended definition of “redacted” information. Our counsel has been performing an exhaustive study to provide you with as much historical data as allowable.  Rest assured, your file is actually more complete than most, but will not be released until we are confident that we are providing you quality and accurate information.  Feel free to share this correspondence with your mom and dad.  We will have an answer for you soon.

Respectfully,

Cxxxx Hxxxxx

Executive Director

High Plains Children’s Home

My polite response:

“Thank you so much for your response.  I truly appreciate your efforts.  I look forward to hearing from you soon.”

Okay – my immediate observations:

First of all “Thanks for your continued interest in your biological history.”  Like I am going to give that up!!!!?  Oh this struck a huge chord of discontent with me!  My first request was made for redacted information back in summer of 2009 ;for redacted info because I had three summary sheets they had given me over the years that contradicted information from the sheet before.  (I received 3 over a 15 yr period).  I will get to that in a minute.  But so – they’ve had to “consult counsel” for a definition of redacted.  [FYI: Redacted info is last names, street address and town and phone numbers marked out or removed from the file – but other than that – the file is presented in tact in its entirety –or a copy of it.]  But they are looking for “intended definition” and it’s taken them since summer of 2009 to do this?  Exhaustive study?  I’d be exhausted too! I am glad I am not paying those attorney fees!!!!   Obviously my request for redacted info is indeed unusual and the first if they are just now figuring out with counsel what “redacted” is supposed to be!  And for the record, I am not a child (in ref. to “adopted children…” statement) – I am 40-year-old adult adoptee! It’s hard to be assured my file is “more complete than most” when previously your agency told me that there was nothing in my file!

Oh and by the way – my new definition for “Cumbersome Delay” is INCOMPETENCE!

One phone call from the agency to the central vital statistics office for the state of Texas that deals with this on a daily basis would tell them what the definition of “redacted” info is!

My personal opinion is that they are trying to protect someone and looking for a loophole to refuse my request.  And they can’t find one – and that is what is taking so long.

However, I will say this.  The current director is probably still cleaning up a mess left by an agency director – I think was two directors – before him that I also had the displeasure of dealing with.  He had no ethics or morals and milked searching adoptees for hundreds of dollars each offering up that their files had no information but he could hire a PI to find the birth mothers.  I had a friend who was a victim of that scam – actually after hundreds of dollars he did get info on his birth mom – but since she never even left the Amarillo area – I seriously doubt that an PI was ever hired or involved and all that money was pocketed by the director.  So he may be treading lightly and trying to cover his butt knowing the mess that was made before him.  But still – six months of trying to define “redacted” info?  That is highly unlikely.

Unfortunately, this sort of thing happens daily for birth families and adoptees seeking more information on the loved ones they were voluntarily/involuntarily separated from in years past… Something often promised to them by adoption agencies handling the adoption placement.  Repeated run around, jumping through hoops, stonewalling tactics, misinformation, outright lies and so on.

I have not asked for anything illegal by asking for redacted info.  Redacted info contains no identifying information.  It is the ONLY right an adult adoptee has guaranteed to him/her by the State of Texas – and as you can see by what I’m dealing with now – adoption industry and agencies don’t even honor that or comply with Texas Family Code.

This leaves adoptees and birth families seeking alternative ways to the information that holds clues to their identities, social and medical histories.  The adoption industry as a whole needs reform across the board.  Laws do not protect birth mothers in open adoption.  That is a lie that the industry offers up to would-be birth moms.  If an adoptive family decided to up and leave without further contact and leave no forwarding address, etc – the laws fall on their side and the birth mom has no recourse.  Closed adoptions prevalent in an earlier era – maybe not so much today – those agencies handling those often release NO information whatsoever.  They will offer a “summary sheet” of information that is often misinformation or outright lies to appease the curious.  It must be a play straight from the NCFA (National Council for Adoption) handbook!  It’s something that is repeated often.  If you are an adoptee searching – ALWAYS request the redacted info.  That way nothing is left for interpretation and bad math on the part of an incompetent office assistant or social worker.

So recourse is to join movements across the nation state by state to get adoption records open and by pass the industry and agencies all together.  I will be the first to admit this is not my number one choice for a solution.  But because my number one choice would take lots of legislation, money and work to get put into place, I support this option, which is my second choice.  My first choice would be for the adoption industry voluntarily be a part of the solution rather than part of the problem. But since their history suggests that won’t ever be the case, then the next best solution is to open records.  I personally know one birth mother who does NOT want to be found – and this is someone that placed in the 1990’s!  The other I know is a birth father that wants to remain anonymous in that situation but will offer no reason or explanation why.

So, when you talk about opening records and exposing their identities – then you are inviting unwanted intrusion on their lives.  So, as long as legislation allows for anyone in that scenario to refuse contact  – but provide the social, medical information etc – then that would be ideal.   It’s difficult to justify demanding one’s rights by trampling over the rights of another.  So there is a fine line there that needs to be respected.  However I do believe that the information including identity, photo’s etc should be made available – even if having to go through a third party – as long as that third party is NOT an adoption agency but a third party without bias in the information transaction!

So, I am going to use my alternative avenue for information the Internet and social media to get the word out about the specifics of my search as well as help shed some light onto what goes on in the adoption world for those of us touched by adoption – so there can be some understanding of what we deal with just trying to gain access to the information that non-adoptees often take for granted.

If you know whom my birth mom or birth family might be – if you would let me know or help her find my post and encourage her to contact me!  Also spread the word and share the link to my post to anyone who might know – anyone who lives in the Amarillo region as well as New Mexico; anyone with ties to the church of Christ denomination; etc. Other ways you can help, encourage your state reps to vote for adoption reform and open records in your state.  Encourage any birth moms or adoptees you know to register on various places on the Internet to find their birth family and register with the placing agency as well as any voluntary state registry that might be available for the state involved.

What I Know – OR What I’ve Been Told Or Lied to About – About My Birth Mom

(and the one piece of info I have about my birth father)

We’ll start with the basics.  I was born in Amarillo, TX in Potter County in May of 1969.  The social worker who placed me is Nancy Ray and Nancy said she specifically remembered being with my birth mother during my delivery.  I asked Nancy if she remembered her well enough to tell me what she was like but she didn’t remember anything.  I would never ask Nancy to betray the confidential identifying information of my birth mom.  I just hoped she remembered something about her that would just give me some more info about where/who I come from.

I was placed through Christian Haven adoption agency sponsored by Southlawn/Southside Church of Christ congregation – I forget which one – which today is known as High Plains Children’s Home and Southlawn/Southside combined congregations and is now known as Southwest Church of Christ.

The only thing with consistency on three summary sheets of information is that my birth father was older than my birth mother and he was a “rancher”.  I don’t know if that means his family had a ranch or if he was a ranch hand or what kind of ranch – etc.  Just “rancher” is all that was offered.  That is it.

My birth mom liked horses and swimming and her statement/thoughts about placing me for adoption was the same thing the put on most of the summary sheets I’ve seen from the same agency:  She didn’t want to place me for adoption but knew it was the best thing for me… and she cried.  Oh, and the liking swimming and horses was also something that is often found on their summary sheets they give to adoptees as well.  (I guess they assumed the adoptees placed through this same agency wouldn’t eventually find each other! Considering I great up with a quite a few of them – that was pretty naïve thinking on their part!)

I have no other definitive information.  That is my genealogy and social history that I know – at least that has been consistent across the board on the summary sheets I got from the agency.

The rest of this may or may not be true – and I think I’ve managed to take some vague clues and put some of it together – but again, I could be wrong – so just keep that in mind.

When I was placed with my parents, they were told that my birth mom was from New Mexico.  That she came to Amarillo because of a family connection to the sponsoring church of Christ congregation of Christian Haven.  She was between 19-21 (depending on which summary sheet you want to believe – I’ll address this in a minute) when I was born.  She was not a minor.  And when I offered the suggestion to Nancy Ray that my birth mother may have stayed in the home with Mary Neidhardt who took care of birth mothers who came to Christian Haven in her own home, Nancy said she didn’t remember my birth mother living with Mary.  So, this suggests that there is a strong possibility that what my parents were told about my birth mother coming to Amarillo with a family connection is probably right.  She probably stayed with relatives while she was pregnant with me.  Also – my parents now attend Southwest and have for quite some time since moving to Amarillo.  Someone once told my mom they thought they knew who my birth mother was – but my mom cannot remember who it was that told her that.  So, I obviously am like my birth mother enough to remind someone of her.

I don’t trust the New Mexico reference for two reasons.  It could be true.  I’m not saying that.  But being a sure thing – I wouldn’t put all my eggs in that basket.  One time when I inquired by phone with the agency that I knew she was from New Mexico the other person on the phone said they didn’t know where I got that information – and implied it was not correct but would not substantiate it or offer alternative information.  The other reason I don’t trust this is because when my brother was adopted – my mom was told that his birth mother called from Louisiana to check to see if he was okay; and we recently found out upon finding his birth family that his birth mother was told he was with a family in Odessa, TX. When in reality, we never lived more than an hour away from both sides of his birth family – and he even knew some of his birth family when it was revealed to him who they were!

But, however, the story of the family connection to Amarillo, etc seems to fit –the New Mexico reference could be correct since it was offered with this other info to my parents directly at the time of placement, which seems to be the most accurate / honest of anything we have.

So, if we take into consideration that by some small chance that the varying ages/birth year of my birth mom was due to poor attention, bad math and incompetence of the office assistant at HPCH (which is plausible – I have worked with her on a project outside of HPCH where she lied, controlled, manipulated the situation and bolted as soon as I confronted her about it.  So I have huge issues about her being involved in this at all but I guess it’s her job in file management.) … So it could have been not deliberate deception but pulling information from varying parts of the file to fill in the spot for birth mom’s age or year of birth.  My mom was told she was 19 at the time of placement.  I was once told she was 20 at the time of my birth.  But her birth year given on the last summary sheet (1948) I received would suggest she was 21.  So – if we gave this agency the benefit of the doubt on this – there is a way to make this info fit.

My birth mom could have been 19 when she came to Amarillo in fall of 1968.  Turned 20 shortly after coming here – so her birthday would be at the END of the year – I would guess December.  But could possibly be November.  Take my birth month and work backwards.  Take into consideration her discovering she’s pregnant and telling family and getting shipped off before she could disgrace her family in her hometown – would put her in Amarillo by November.  So – November/December could be her birth month.  She could have come at age 19; turned 20 and then had me in May 1969 and turned 21 the year I was born.  Again – this is just an educated guess based on what little and differing information I was offered.

Birth certificate code for that section and county would suggest her last name given on the birth certificate would have more than likely started with an “A” or possibly “B”.

hat is what I know or guess.  I want the social and medical history as well as photo’s of birth family.  If she doesn’t want contact or a relationship then I will respect that.  But there are ways she can get the information to me – starting with her contacting the placing agency!  She can pass the info through a trusted friend or through the agency.

Right now I don’t want to direct my energy at going after HPCH for the redacted info.  I am going to give them a little more time – and just see what their definition of “soon” is. I would love nothing more than for them to surprise me with my file of redacted info soon.

I want to spend my time and energy getting this blog post out and getting the story out and seeing if I can find my family this way.  I’d be happy to talk to media about my story and search.  Maybe a reporter is interested in following the story – they are always ready to report on reunions –how about shedding some light on the journey – what it takes to actually find a birth family member?

And before I get a bunch of comments about it – please know I am also a birth mom if you haven’t read my previous post on adoption; and I know what that perspective involves – I just haven’t got to that part of my story yet – maybe with my next adoption related post.

Also know, that I love my adoptive family very much.  I am grateful for my life.  But I can be both grateful and curious about my natural history, too.  Just because I’m pursuing the birth connection doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for my family or my life.

Please share my post and spread the word.  People need to know these stories happen every day.  People need to know why change is needed.  Sadly my story is a normal, daily saga among adult adoptees.  Work for change and adoption reform in your state!